


The Headmistress

by unkindravens



Series: Sex Bloopers [14]
Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: F/M, Humor, Roleplay, Sex bloopers, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-11
Updated: 2019-09-11
Packaged: 2020-10-14 19:02:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20605760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unkindravens/pseuds/unkindravens
Summary: "Role play is difficult for me because I feel like the person I'm role playing with actually has to be a good actor. If the person isn't ... 'dropped in' to the character, then I have a very hard time connecting." - David RoseDavid and Stevie try role playing and David has a lot of opinions. (Based on a webisode.)





	The Headmistress

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the end of [this webisode](https://youtu.be/JPjoGaiQezw).

“Okay, I’m not really getting ‘headmistress’ from this venue, but I guess it’ll have to do.”

Stevie put her hands on her hips. “Well the ‘venue’ is the creepy honeymoon room you’ve been having sex in for the past two weeks, so I don’t know what to tell you.”

David sighed. “Sit at the table and pretend it’s a mahogany desk. With a leatherback chair.”

“Can I have one of those those globes where you open it and it’s a little bar?”

David sighed, “Fine. So, what’s your backstory?”

“What?”

“Your backstory. For your character,” David said.

“Why do I need a backstory? I thought we were fucking, not workshopping community theater.”

David ran his hands down his face. “Look, I need to _ believe _ that you’re going to give me a passing grade. _ Why _ would you have sex with a student? Is this something you normally do? Did your husband just die and you’re lonely? I’m looking for _ motivation_.”

“Jesus Christ, David, can’t we just do this? I know it was your idea so you have ‘creative control’, but I think we’ll be fine winging it.”

David shook his head. “No, nope. That’s not how this works. I don’t ‘wing’ things.” He looked at Stevie. “Fine, I’ll try it,” he said with a wave of his hand.

Stevie should’ve known better when he suggested role-playing. Should’ve just gone down on him the second he mentioned it.

“Good.” Stevie sat at the table. “I’m ready when you are.”

David closed his eyes and paced. Stevie stared until he opened his eyes. “What? I’m getting into character.”

“I thought you were playing yourself.”

“Yes, but _ teenage _ me. At school.”

Stevie softly banged her head on the table. “Let’s just try it and see how it goes, okay?”

“Fine. Fine.” David walked to the door of the motel room, shook like a dog getting out of a pool, and knocked.

“Come in,” Stevie called.

“Ms. Budd, I was hoping we could talk about my calculus grade.”

Stevie laughed. “You’re taking calc?”

David threw his arms up. “Can we please take this seriously? I was a very good student. Okay, not calculus good, but still good. What am I going to ask to get a better grade for? Art history?”

“All right, all right, I’m sorry. Let’s try again.”

David walked back to the door, closed his eyes for a moment, and knocked on the door.

“Come in.”

David walked to the table. “Ms. Budd, I would like to talk to you about my calculus grade.”

“Please, have a seat,” Stevie said, gesturing at the chair in front of her. David sat. “David Rose,” she said, leaning back in her chair and steepling her fingers. “You have quite the reputation around campus.”

David jumped up. “Oh my god, this is why we need a backstories!”

“I thought we were improvising.”

David glared at her. “I’ve never done anything improv-adjacent in my life. This is completely different.”

“Okay, I’m sorry. I’ll stick to the concept.” 

David sighed. “Let’s take it from the top.”

He returned to the door, shook himself off again, and knocked.

“Come in.”

“Ms. Budd, I’m hoping we could discuss my calculus grade.”

“David Rose. I thought you might be stopping by my office.” She waved her hand across the table. “Please, have a seat.”

“Thank you.” David sat at the edge of the chair, back straight, legs crossed at the ankles.

“What can I do for you, David?”

“I was wondering if there was anything _ I _ could do for _ you _ to improve my grade.”

Stevie leaned back in the chair and spread her legs. “I think we could work something out.”

“Okay, so will I be getting an A or…?”

“Depends on how well you perform,” Stevie said. “Get back here.”

David got up and dropped to his knees in front of Stevie. “I think you will find my skills in the area more than adequate.”

Stevie snorted. “Yes, _ adequate _ won’t be good enough.” David broke for a second to narrow his eyes at her. “Please, demonstrate your skill set.”

She slouched in her chair, arms falling at her side. If David was running this show, then he’s doing all the work.

David fumbled with her jeans. “Sorry,” she said, “casual Friday.”

David rolled his eyes.

“Excuse me, did you just roll your eyes at me, young man?"

"I’m sorry, ma’am, I won’t let it happen again.”

“I should hope not. Now hurry up and get my pants off. I have a lecture in forty-five minutes.”

David yanked off her Converse and socks. He easily pulled off her loose jeans, leaving her in black boy short underwear.

He looked up at her again. “It’s not gonna eat itself! Get to work!” she said, gesturing at her lap.

She saw a small smile on his face.

“Yes, headmistress,” he mumbled.

“What was that?” Stevie asked, grasping his chin in her hand and bringing it up to look at her.

“Yes, headmistress!”

“Better.” She dropped her hand and let him take off her underwear.

David grabbed both her legs, yanking her to the edge of the chair. He threw one leg over his shoulder and the other on the arm of the chair.

Stevie bit her lip to stop from smiling as he gazed between her thighs. He always did this, like he needs to memorize it in case it’s the last time he ever sees it.

“Get to it,” she said with a snap of her fingers.

David dove in. He was too good at this. She once told him he ate pussy like he had one and she thought his ego was going to explode.

David knew how to get her off and wasted no time. Stevie dropped her leg from the arm of the chair and pressed it against David’s head, trapping him.

“Oh, god,” she moaned. “Fuck, I’m gonna come.”

David groaned and shoved two fingers inside her. Stevie came with a grunt, her legs shaking around David’s head.

David pulled back to look at her, keeping his fingers inside until her muscles calmed.

“Was that good enough, headmistress?”

Stevie blinked, she had forgotten all about the roll-play. “Yes. Yes, David, that was fine. You’ll pass.”

“Thank you,” he said genuinely.

“Do let me know if you’re having trouble in any of your other classes,” she said as she started to put her clothes back on. David sat on his heels. She stared at him. “Get back to class, I’ve got work to do!”

David slowly stood, his body pressed against Stevie’s. “I was wondering if there was anything… else…”

Stevie took a step back. “Do you really think a headmistress at a prestigious preparatory school is gonna blow you?”

David covered his face with his hands. “This is why we should have story boarded this!”

Stevie groaned. “Okay, fine, I have an idea.”

She pushed David onto the bed and straddled his waist. She leaned very close to his face, curtaining them with her hair.

“David Rose, I’ve been waiting for this day.”

David’s lips did that half-smile. “Have you?”

“Yes,” Stevie pulled off her shirt, “now that you’ve graduated high school and turned eighteen, so this isn’t completely disgusting, I’ve been hoping to get you in my bed.”

David weaved his hands into her hair and leaned up to kiss her.

“No kissing!” Stevie pulled back. “We aren’t dating, I’m not making out with you.”

“Hooker with a heart of gold?”

She swatted the side of his head.

David grabbed her hips and flipped them over. He took off his sweater and tossed it on the floor (bold character choice). He ran his hands down Stevie’s sides and she couldn’t help arching into him.

“Remember when I ate you out for that A in calculus?”

“I don’t remember saying you were getting an A…”

“Shut up,” David snapped. "What I was _ going _ to say, is I recall leaving your office that day and immediately jerking off in the bathroom.”

“Your point?”

David unbuttoned Stevie’s jeans, then is own. “It’s just… headmistress, I went down on you that day so I thought maybe…?”

Stevie laughed, covering her face with her hands. She felt David stop moving and she peeked through her fingers. He did not look happy.

“Sorry, sorry,” she said, lowering her hands. “Mr. Rose - oh, Jesus, that makes you sound like your dad.”

“Oh my god, why would you say that?” David started to shift off of her hips.

Stevie grabbed him, “Next time just give me a goddamn script, David” She teased her fingers along the waistband of his underwear. “Now, what were you saying, David Rose, calculus genius?”

“_Thank you. _ As I was saying, how about this time we make things even?”

“Excuse me, need I remind you I have a doctorate in feminist literature? I don’t _ owe _ you anything.”

“Suddenly she has a backstory,” David muttered. He stood up and pulled his off his jeans. “Let’s take a soft five. And get naked.”

Stevie stayed in the heart bed as she took off her clothes. “It seems like your character should be begging me at this point, so getting undressed during a break really isn’t fair.”

“Jesus Christ.” David sat on the bed next to Stevie. “Let’s just pick up where we left off.”

Stevie shoved David on the bed and sat on his stomach. “This is _ not _ where we left off, Ms. Budd.”

David flipped them again and Stevie smiled. “Like it a little rough, headmistress?”

Stevie pushed David and, taking the hint, David flipped them so she was on top. “I thought you wanted that from me. Isn’t that the reason you came to my home?”

David nodded and looked up. “I must say, I didn’t expect a ceiling mirror, Ms. Budd.”

“I like to check form,” she said, shrugging.

David flipped them again, then turned Stevie on her stomach. He laid on her, sinking his weight onto her body. 

Mouth next to her ear, David whispered, “I think you’ll find there’s no need to check my work.”

He bit her shoulder and Stevie groaned. She reached under a pillow, produced out a condom, and flicked it over her shoulder. “Then get to work.”

She heard David move behind her, then snatch her up by her hips. She steadied herself on her hands.

David dove into her all at once, then held still to let her adjust.

Stevie grunted. “You _ will _ be graded.” He pulled nearly all the way out and thrust again. “I’m an educator after all…” Her voice trailed off as David slammed into her.

“Grade me,” he growled.

“Solid C work. Average,” she said, trying to sound casual. David gripped her hips and pulled her back against him.

“We both know that’s not true.”

Stevie moaned “B plus” as he fucked her. She knew she was losing this game. She was going to have to give this motherfucker an A before she came. “Maybe you could do some extra credit work?”

David pushed her forward so they were mostly off their knees. He slid an arm around Stevie’s hips to touch her.

“Like that?”

“Yes!”

“Yes what? I’m going for the honor roll,” he said, rubbing harder.

He was such an asshole. “A!” she yelled. “A plus, just keep fucking me!”

They came at the same time.

David rolled on his back, discarding the condom. “Knew I’d get that A.”

Stevie looked at him, too weak to do anything but nudge his leg with her foot. 

David leaned forward, touching his forehead to hers.

“Still no kissing,” she muttered. “Now, get out of my bed before my wife gets home.”

David’s face turned blindingly bright and manicial. “A wife! Very interesting, Ms. Budd. Maybe some night-”

“We’re not having a threesome, David.”

David scooted closer, made puppy dog noises, and pawed at her shoulder.

“Ugh!” Stevie rolled her eyes. “Maybe. If you’re good.”


End file.
